Ways to Get to Know Your Spouse Better

Aug 4

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How to Keep Getting to Know Your Spouse — No Matter How Long You’ve Been Married

By Rachel – Homemaker to Many

When you first meet that special someone, you ask all the questions — trying to get to know them as best you can. When you decide to get married, the questions get deeper.

By the time you’ve lived together, had kids, and built a life — you probably feel like you know everything about them, right?

Probably not.

We’re all constantly changing, and sometimes the things we think we know about our spouse are just assumptions based on observation — when in reality, their thoughts and feelings may be completely different.

Below you’ll find simple ways to keep learning about your spouse and grow closer as a couple.

1. Observe

Okay, so observing your spouse isn’t always 100% accurate — but it’s a great place to start!

Watch them at the store. Notice what they do with their free time. How do they respond when you tell them about plans you’ve made?

If you really want to remember, keep a list! A simple note on your phone works perfectly. Let’s face it — we moms have so many things on our minds that we often forget even the things we intend to remember.

📝 Tip: Make a “Spouse Notes” list on your phone to jot down small things you notice — favorite snacks, movies, topics, or things that make them smile.

2. Listen

Along with watching with your eyes, you need to listen with your ears.

What is your spouse constantly talking about? What videos, podcasts, or books do they gravitate toward?

For example, my husband is always looking up a new gun, camper, or truck. That tells me what sparks his interest. He could probably talk for hours about any of them — and I do my best to give him my full attention. Not just because I love him, but because I genuinely want to know what’s on his mind.

🎧 Tip: Even if you don’t share the same interests, showing interest in their interests builds connection and trust.

3. Engage

Part of observing and listening is getting involved.

If you take part in your spouse’s hobbies or conversations, you’ll better understand what they truly enjoy or dislike. This creates bonding moments, builds shared memories, and helps you find new common ground.

Connection doesn’t just happen — it’s built through small, intentional moments of engagement.

💬 Tip: Ask questions about what they’re doing, or surprise them by suggesting something related — like watching their favorite show together or helping with a project.

4. Ask Questions

It can be easy to get caught up in “you mode,” but marriage is about “we.”

Before you make a date, plan a trip, or spend extra money — ask your spouse.

Are they okay with it? Does it sound fun to them? Do they have another idea in mind?

I’ll admit — I fall short on this sometimes. My husband works a lot, so it often feels simpler to just take charge. Sometimes that’s exactly what he needs from me. But other times, asking his opinion brings out great ideas I never thought of!

Even when he’s tired and doesn’t want to make every decision, that doesn’t mean he wants to be left out of all of them.

💡 Tip: Asking for input not only helps you plan better, it makes your spouse feel valued and seen.

5. Repeat

People change.

What’s fun, exciting, or relaxing today might not be tomorrow. We’re all evolving — hopefully into better, happier versions of ourselves.

That’s why you should regularly check in with your spouse about their interests, goals, and needs. Keep learning them. Keep pursuing them. That’s what keeps the spark alive.

❤️ Tip: Make it a tradition to revisit your spouse’s likes and goals every few months — over coffee, on a drive, or during a late-night chat.

Conversation Starters to Reconnect with Your Spouse

Use these prompts to start deeper, more meaningful conversations:

Where do you see our lives in a year? Five years?
Do you still love your job?
What’s on your bucket list this year?
Want me to help you with any projects?
Where would you love to go on vacation?
Did you ever imagine this would be our life? How does it compare — better or worse?
What makes you smile the most?
What makes you feel the most loved?
Do you want more children?
What kind of grandparents do you think we’ll be?
What goals do you have for us as a couple? What about personal goals?
What habits do you think we should work on this year?

💬 Your turn!
Do you have a favorite conversation starter that’s helped you connect with your spouse? I’d love to hear it — leave a comment or message me your ideas!

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